Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Jan 3 - The Day We Became Adults

Today is the day we became adults. We've always had a penchant for meeting up and talking grandoise matters and ending up feeling important and empowered. Today was different. It bordered dangerously on falling into the pattern described above, but it broke clear. The future's clearing up even more. It's gaining a direction and is becoming more purposeful. The moroseness is fading. Happiness, although it still is tinged with more than just a hint of sadness and depression, is starting to seep in; it's starting to replace the utter wrist-slashing pain-seeking depression that has been en vogue over the last few weeks. I feel empowered, this time for real. I feel like I can really achieve something, maybe everything that I have envisioned. We will rock Mumbai. We will be successful. She will marry me. JB, you rock.

Derailed

This is a poem I wrote in the train while returning from Chennai to Bangalore. It provided me the opportunity to talk to a pretty American of Indian origin who was sitting in front of me. She had enough coincidences to my life for me to treat it as a sign from God, and I'm an atheist! My future's clearing up now.

'Tis indeed a strange thing
This thing we call a train
As it snakes its way through the sparkling countryside
Or zips through a shimmering urban landscape
It gathers all its commuters
Not unlike a mother and her children
Caressing them like peas in a pod
And releasing them at the appropriate time
For them to continue on their journey of life
Content at having been a part of their lives
At having brought together complete strangers
Of whom many would leave as they were - strangers
But some would move on acquainted
And some might exit self-actualised
Whatever 'tis
The course of history has been irrevocably altered

Goodbye My Lover

This song by James Blunt has been my situation song for sometime now. It aptly describes what I feel and I'm going through right now. I think it's beautifully written.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.